Excerpt from "The 7-Day Dating and Relationship Plan for Gay Men"

From Gay.com:

The 7-Day Dating and Relationship Plan for Gay Men:
Practical Advice from the Gay Matchmaker

The ultimate guidebook for gay men looking for a fresh angle on the dating scene.

How does a single gay guy find his way to a right, lasting relationship? Our dating expert shares authentic sagas straight (so to speak) from his clients' experiences to illuminate his seven principles, developed to help navigate today's dating challenges.

From numerous tips and amazing but true anecdotes to fun-filled facts about where the boys are, readers will escape the dating minefields and find relationship success.

Grant Wheaton is the founder and owner of ManMate, Inc., New York's largest dating and relationship service for gay men.

Dennis Courtney is a writer whose critically acclaimed revues have been produced across the United States.

Get real and be honest

Do you really want a relationship? If so, are you clear about who you are, what you are willing to give and what you expect from a partner?

Have you thought about what type of relationship may be right for you?

Are you simply following the mating trends we've been taught by our straight community and pop culture, or have you begun to identify your own unique path?

Take some time to consider the questions above. Are you able to answer them readily and with certainty? If you were to be asked some very basic questions about your career (method of work, goals, priorities, etc.), you'd probably be able to answer them confidently and in detail. It's really the only way to be successful at your job. So why is it that similar questions about relationships and dating puzzle so many?

Some men may not want to be in a love relationship. There is certainly nothing wrong with that choice. Before we go any further, take the time now to determine whether or not you want a relationship. If you are really just looking for the hottest sex around or want to play the field, then by all means be honest and go for it -- get your freak on and have a great time! (Safely, of course.) But, don't pretend you're willing to focus on a potential, full-fledged relationship beyond the physical. It's the dishonest, game-playing, cowardly, misleading men out there who cause a lot of emotional pain and give the rest of us a bad name. (There -- I've said it!)

Since you're reading this plan, I'm assuming you're interested in finding the type of relationship that's right for you. To be successful in finding that relationship, isn't it important to first get real about yourself and what you're looking for?

Gay men have varying definitions of a relationship, which makes finding the ideal date or partner more challenging. Because our views about dating and relationships can be so different, it's probably safe to say there is no model.

Getting real about your own desires is the first and most essential step. What do I mean by that? Getting real means discovering or rediscovering your authentic self and having the integrity to present that true self to those with whom you interact.

In this world obsessed with physical beauty, youth, image, façade, popularity, celebrity and political correctness, it may often seem that just being your unique self is not enough or even unacceptable. Nothing could be further from the truth. Success in relationships and other areas of our lives comes only when we have the courage to embrace our uniqueness.

If you get only one point from this book, let it be the following:
You must get real and honest about yourself -- the best and the worst -- and accept yourself as the complete package that you are. "Complete" does not mean perfect. We are all works in progress. "Complete" is the acknowledgment of the authentic you -- all aspects. If you are looking for someone else to complete you, you will not find yourself in a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

I'm sure you've heard that before and already understand it intellectually, but it is imperative that you really get it on a deeper, more visceral level. It takes a real commitment to examine our lives and the patterns we've developed in dating and relationships and then to make a conscious effort to change and improve.

My past 20-plus years of work have shown me that if you are not being real about yourself, you are not ready for a relationship. It is as simple as that. The rest of this book will be of little use unless you are willing to grasp this concept. It is what you bring of you authentic self to a date or relationship that makes it exciting.